The rate at which time continues to pass is nothing short of dizzying.
The bittersweet memories of the art gallery, although almost a year gone now, still linger as if it were yesterday. In many ways, it's closing remains as deeply metaphorical as it does literal.
It's hard to explain, but looking back now, it's clear a certain amount of my artistic ambition died the day those doors closed. (I know I'm supposed to brave on in the face of adversity, or at least pretend to - I am a "Man on a Mission" after all - but then why start fronting now?)
Like any good break up, it definitely took a while to reconcile, but I have largely made my peace. Strangely, it seems other people have had a harder time accepting this than I, perhaps because I knew the deal going in: give it everything I've got and either happily succeed, or fail without regret. Should it work despite the odds, then well, some dreams do come true. Should it fail, chalk up the experience and double down on pursuing more practical (read, profitable) ventures.
With 2018 now around the corner, good fortune looks poised to lead me though Southeast Asia, the Middle East, USA and back through Europe again before I return some time in late spring. Although the path may be more commercial than artistic in nature, it's pretty hard to complain about the life my camera still provides, especially when I see so many other truly talented photographers still struggling in their bubble just to get by.
And although I may secretly mourn what feels like the (temporary?) death of my fine-art aspirations, if anything, the change in direction may be the shortest distance between here and now, and realizing another one of life's greatest dreams: buying my piece of land, and building from scratch a little piece of the world I can call my own.
I wonder, besides raising a child, what greater or more fulfilling work of art is there?
R.I.P 2017. I don't know when, or if, I'll be back, but 2018, here I come.
Monday, November 27, 2017
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
What a ride
Looking back at these last 6 months, I can say that without a doubt, they have been some of the hardest, most challenging, and most rewarding months of my life.
The struggle to satisfy the needs placed upon me between my home life, my clients, the gallery, the guest rooms, and the photo studio has been at times more overwhelming than I care to confess, and obviously more than I could carry on my own.
And even though I knew coming into this gallery venture that the odds were against me, I still embraced the risk whole-heartedly with the admittedly naive optimism that I could simply improvise my way though it, knowing full well that my margin for error was slim to none.
In retrospect, it's easy to see the mistakes I've made and where some small changes could have possibly made some big differences. But despite the sacrifices I've made in terms of time, money, and opportunity, I would unquestionably do it all over again.
Friendships have been forged that I hope will continue to grow, and thanks in large part to my growing exposure to "wet plate", and re-connection to the inside of a photo studio, I have rediscovered a love for photography that I had previously long forgotten.
Unless a miracle happens in the next 9 days, it won't be easy walking away from what I have started. At one point I told myself that if the venture were to fail, I would feel satisfied enough by the attempt that I could then walk away as if to cross it off a list, or something equally symbolic.
For better or worse, however, I don't think it works like that. In fact, I believe now more than ever before that the desire to create and to challenge one's ability with ambition can never truly be killed, no matter the setback.
This year may have marked the beginning and end of the same chapter, but I'll be damned if there isn't a hell of a lot of book to go.
The struggle to satisfy the needs placed upon me between my home life, my clients, the gallery, the guest rooms, and the photo studio has been at times more overwhelming than I care to confess, and obviously more than I could carry on my own.
And even though I knew coming into this gallery venture that the odds were against me, I still embraced the risk whole-heartedly with the admittedly naive optimism that I could simply improvise my way though it, knowing full well that my margin for error was slim to none.
In retrospect, it's easy to see the mistakes I've made and where some small changes could have possibly made some big differences. But despite the sacrifices I've made in terms of time, money, and opportunity, I would unquestionably do it all over again.
Friendships have been forged that I hope will continue to grow, and thanks in large part to my growing exposure to "wet plate", and re-connection to the inside of a photo studio, I have rediscovered a love for photography that I had previously long forgotten.
Unless a miracle happens in the next 9 days, it won't be easy walking away from what I have started. At one point I told myself that if the venture were to fail, I would feel satisfied enough by the attempt that I could then walk away as if to cross it off a list, or something equally symbolic.
For better or worse, however, I don't think it works like that. In fact, I believe now more than ever before that the desire to create and to challenge one's ability with ambition can never truly be killed, no matter the setback.
This year may have marked the beginning and end of the same chapter, but I'll be damned if there isn't a hell of a lot of book to go.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
What doesn't kill you...
As if the months leading up to the gallery opening weren't exhausting enough, the last 5 weeks have been straight up, punishing.
Between the gallery, the guest rooms, my usual commercial work this time of year, my growing Daddy duties at home, and a bizarre run of pretty nasty luck, I swear to god, if I can outlast October, there's nothing I can't do when I put my mind to it.
Certainly there are days when I wonder why the hell I've chosen to bite off so much, especially with our newborn at home, but when I am reminded of the support people have shown me, and when I talk to more and more of these talented artists who feel just as left out of the gallery world as I have, I remain compelled to keep the dream alive and fight another day.
I believe that 2017 will be pretty telling, and am preparing myself mentally to give it everything I've got. Where the gallery, and my art career, stand 12 months from now will determine whether or not some dreams are worth dreaming, or whether you should be careful what you wish for.
In the meantime, I may feel a little beaten, but I'm far from out.
Between the gallery, the guest rooms, my usual commercial work this time of year, my growing Daddy duties at home, and a bizarre run of pretty nasty luck, I swear to god, if I can outlast October, there's nothing I can't do when I put my mind to it.
Certainly there are days when I wonder why the hell I've chosen to bite off so much, especially with our newborn at home, but when I am reminded of the support people have shown me, and when I talk to more and more of these talented artists who feel just as left out of the gallery world as I have, I remain compelled to keep the dream alive and fight another day.
I believe that 2017 will be pretty telling, and am preparing myself mentally to give it everything I've got. Where the gallery, and my art career, stand 12 months from now will determine whether or not some dreams are worth dreaming, or whether you should be careful what you wish for.
In the meantime, I may feel a little beaten, but I'm far from out.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Afterglow
Well, the official gallery opening is a few days behind me now. The September sun is shining, and the afterglow of what was an amazing night affirms that the evening was worth it, wherever it goes from here.
There are so many people that were essential to its success, but it feels like I've thanked them in public and private ad nauseam. They, or you, know who you are and that I will be forever grateful.
Overall, I have to say that, print sales aside, the whole exhibition, and the journey leading up to it, has been everything that I hoped for, and maybe more. New friendships have been made; momentum rebuilt; talents discovered; and stakes claimed.
(I know I've had my moments of self-doubt and darkness along the way, but I believe these moments are simply part of the journey, and make the destination all the more worth it.)
Whatever form the gallery takes from here, I hope that the magic of August 27th 2016 does not become lost, and that the seeds planted this evening will grow in ways and places yet unforeseen.
I shall continue to do my part to grow a piece of the Prague photo community and remain a humble white belt in the journey that has lead me from those humble pinhole beginnings, to here and now.
There are so many people that were essential to its success, but it feels like I've thanked them in public and private ad nauseam. They, or you, know who you are and that I will be forever grateful.
Overall, I have to say that, print sales aside, the whole exhibition, and the journey leading up to it, has been everything that I hoped for, and maybe more. New friendships have been made; momentum rebuilt; talents discovered; and stakes claimed.
(I know I've had my moments of self-doubt and darkness along the way, but I believe these moments are simply part of the journey, and make the destination all the more worth it.)
Whatever form the gallery takes from here, I hope that the magic of August 27th 2016 does not become lost, and that the seeds planted this evening will grow in ways and places yet unforeseen.
I shall continue to do my part to grow a piece of the Prague photo community and remain a humble white belt in the journey that has lead me from those humble pinhole beginnings, to here and now.
No regrets
Anyone who really knows me, knows that I have been heavily influenced by samurai philosophy since my early 20's. In an era when I once felt quite lost, Miyamoto Musashi's Book of Five Rings felt like the only thing that I had to truly cling to. Not only did it show me the way when I had none, it has illuminated a path from which I have never strayed.
Within that philosophy, it is said that a samurai must imagine his death a thousand times. It is understood that to confront death, and to accept it, is to deny it the power it would otherwise hold over you.
In this light, despite my best intentions and my best efforts, I have start to imagine that this gallery venture may be more short-lived than I would like. I mean, if the odds weren't stacked against me when I signed the contract, they sure as hell are stacked against me now. At the end of the day, it's all comes down to money, and unless a miracle happens, mine had just about run out. From a financial perspective, in short, I am fucked.
Strangely, I feel remarkably at peace with it all.
Nobody wants to lose that kind of money I've already put into this place, least of all me, but even if I spend the nest 2 years paying the price of my impulses, I feel a certain peace in knowing that, whatever happens, failure won't be for a lack of trying (even if ill-conceived!).
In the meantime, however, I obviously intend to put every last ounce of effort into making this opening the best it can possibly be. Where it goes from there, is at least partially out of my hands. Simply put, if there is demand within the Prague photo community to use the space to it's full potential, then the space will live. If, however, this whole venture has been nothing more than a vanity project designed only to satisfy myself, then it will not.
Between this coming Saturday and the pending Kickstarter campaign, many questions will be answered. We shall see where it goes from there. Whatever happens, whether it's successful or not, at least I get to live without regret.
Within that philosophy, it is said that a samurai must imagine his death a thousand times. It is understood that to confront death, and to accept it, is to deny it the power it would otherwise hold over you.
In this light, despite my best intentions and my best efforts, I have start to imagine that this gallery venture may be more short-lived than I would like. I mean, if the odds weren't stacked against me when I signed the contract, they sure as hell are stacked against me now. At the end of the day, it's all comes down to money, and unless a miracle happens, mine had just about run out. From a financial perspective, in short, I am fucked.
Strangely, I feel remarkably at peace with it all.
Nobody wants to lose that kind of money I've already put into this place, least of all me, but even if I spend the nest 2 years paying the price of my impulses, I feel a certain peace in knowing that, whatever happens, failure won't be for a lack of trying (even if ill-conceived!).
In the meantime, however, I obviously intend to put every last ounce of effort into making this opening the best it can possibly be. Where it goes from there, is at least partially out of my hands. Simply put, if there is demand within the Prague photo community to use the space to it's full potential, then the space will live. If, however, this whole venture has been nothing more than a vanity project designed only to satisfy myself, then it will not.
Between this coming Saturday and the pending Kickstarter campaign, many questions will be answered. We shall see where it goes from there. Whatever happens, whether it's successful or not, at least I get to live without regret.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
10..9...8...
So, the final count down has begun!
In 10 days, the first big question will be answered. Have I spent the last 3 months sacrificing everything I've got in terms of time, faith and money in vain, OR, will this pending gallery opening be the beginning of what may become a whole new chapter?
Of course, I try to keep a brave face, but the reality is that I am so depleted in every sense of the word, that even if everything works out as I hope, I don't know how much more I can give.
The thought that September is around the corner is both a relief - since I know the work will bring in some well needed cash - and also a little terrifying knowing that I will be walking into it without first having the ability to refresh and recharge before the next 6 week wave of heavy commitments.
In many ways it feels like, if this were a poker game, I've used every bit of savvy and luck I can borrow or muster, and bluffed my way to the final hand where I am all in, winner takes all.
I've done my part. Let's see what cards the dealer has to offer.
In 10 days, the first big question will be answered. Have I spent the last 3 months sacrificing everything I've got in terms of time, faith and money in vain, OR, will this pending gallery opening be the beginning of what may become a whole new chapter?
Of course, I try to keep a brave face, but the reality is that I am so depleted in every sense of the word, that even if everything works out as I hope, I don't know how much more I can give.
The thought that September is around the corner is both a relief - since I know the work will bring in some well needed cash - and also a little terrifying knowing that I will be walking into it without first having the ability to refresh and recharge before the next 6 week wave of heavy commitments.
In many ways it feels like, if this were a poker game, I've used every bit of savvy and luck I can borrow or muster, and bluffed my way to the final hand where I am all in, winner takes all.
I've done my part. Let's see what cards the dealer has to offer.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Ready or Not
Well, despite all the loose ends, there comes a time when you gotta' say, let's do it. For better or worse today will be the day that I at least open the doors, and see what happens.
It's a shame that I've put all my energy and resources into preparing the place, that I've put absolutely no time into promoting it, breaking one of my own golden rules. With less than 24 hours notice, we shall see who will be able to turn up to share in this personal milestone moment.
Inhale....
It's a shame that I've put all my energy and resources into preparing the place, that I've put absolutely no time into promoting it, breaking one of my own golden rules. With less than 24 hours notice, we shall see who will be able to turn up to share in this personal milestone moment.
Inhale....
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